PopoWOW!

Bane big music fan. Bane have huge cassette collection. Bane mostly listen to hard rock. Here Bane favorite bands:

-KoRn
-Metallica
-Cannibal Corpse!!! (OH MAN THEY PUMP UP BANE SOOOO HARD!)
-Coal Chamber

But once in while there song so hot that not metal, even Bane unable to ignore. Bane favorite new song little ditty called "PopoZão."

Oh man, tribal beat and crazy Internet guy dancing to song make Bane get all crazy! Bane not know who is K-Fed, but now Bane very excited to hear rest of work. Bane look all over for tape of K-Fed work, but Bane not find anything. Music store clerk laugh at Bane for asking for tape of K-Fed, which made Bane very angry, but Bane show restraint. Instead of breaking back, Bane break spine of Clap Hands Yeah CD clerk have in hand (Bane not completely know name of band because it dumb name. Who call band such dumb name? If Bane have band, Bane would call band "Bane and the Blades!" or "KillBane!" or something cool. Who in band that dumb, Killer Croc?). Then Bane point and say "that have symbolism. Think about it."

Bane think there big career ahead for K-Fed. Bane hear lot of talent in song. Bane agree with crazy Internet guy dancing when he say song "Fire!" It totally fire. Bane play this song for right girl, Bane guarantee Bane go home with girl.

PopoZão you soon!

Sucker for Stagetime!

Hey everyone, Bane want to thank people who came to see Bane in Odd Couple last weekend at Outer Gotham Regional Fire Hall. Bane appreciate support very much.

Bane originally get role of Oscar when Bane try out, but Bane no interested in being typecast, so Bane break director back over strong knee until director cast Bane as Felix. Bane play thug or slob too many time in regional theatre and Bane no want audience sick of Bane before Bane get to big-time stage!

It very awkward to play character so neat, but Bane do very well. Night of show, Bane add flourish like wearing frilly apron and talking like gay to show Bane can play gay, because Bane hear casting agent for Queer As Folk in audience. (*NOTE* Bane no gay. Bane straight. REAL STRAIGHT. Killer Croc, though, Bane no sure. He keep very neat sewer den, and most gays have very clean stuff) Director not too happy with Bane adding stuff on night of show and not telling him, but Bane just point at knee and nod and director understand.

Bane hoping to see great review of show in Sunday paper, but paper only have stupid stuff in it, like "Why play Felix gay? Who cast big, dumb, mask guy in role of Felix? Why Felix keep saying own name over and over? This very bad play!" Hey, carbunkle, you no blame Bane for bad show! Blame stupid writer! Neil Simon? What a dumb name! It no Bane fault Mr. No Last Name not write anything good for Bane to play with on stage. Bane need depth, something to chew on, not just "Oh, Felix sad Felix wife left Felix. Oh, Oscar, stop putting feet on table!" And what wrong with putting feet on table anyhow? Bane put feet on table. Well, Bane would, if Bane had table. Bane only have TV dinner tray on two bricks in front of couch, but it good enough for Bane.

Anyhow, Bane say thank you for support! Come see Bane again when Bane in new play!

See you soon!

Infinite Crapsis!

Since Bane get sweet new dial up service, Bane see there many websites dedicated to talking about comic books. Websites have many people with many opinions, most of which very stupid if you ask Bane. However, Bane see many mentions of Infinite Crisis and how Batman involved (you know, the man Bane broke back of???), so Bane go check it out.

BANE. VERY. ANGRY.

There whole situation going on with super-villains uniting and this first time Bane hear about it? What, just because Bane phone disconnected for several month, suddenly Lex Luthor no interested in Bane and his back-breaking knees? Oooo, so sorry Lex Luthor, Bane no have money like you! Bane not able to afford CELL PHONE! Society call crazy-ass Shadow Thief but not Bane? It not like they not know how to find Bane. Deathstroke find Catman (CAT! FUCKING! MAN! Give Bane a break!) in Africa! Bane live in small place in New York, America!

Bane very offended by non-gesture. Bane going to start OWN Secret Society! Bane call it Bane Super Hang-Out Back Break Squad! Bane have Venom and strong knees! Bane looking for others to join up. If you interested in Bane Super Hang-Out Back Break Squad (BSHOBBS!) leave good comment. Maybe Bane like it and you and Bane go out for chicken wings and you tell Bane in person why you need to be on squad.

See you soon!

It Monday!

Bane hate Mondays. You know who else hate Mondays? Bane favorite fat cat, Garfield!

Garfield very funny cat. He always know something to say or do when Jon being pickledick. This one strip Jon give Garfield shirt (cats with shirts? LOL!) that say "Wide Load" on it. In next panel, shirt is sticking out Jon mouth and ears. HA HA HA! Oh man, Bane wanted to do that to Killer Croc when Bane find out Croc sell Bane fake Pelle Pelle shirt. Ten bucks such good deal Bane not realize that there only one 'l' in each word on shirt. Bane not want to wear Pele Pele shirt. That stupid.

Anyway, Bane like Garfiled alot, but Bane not sure Bane would want cat like Garfield. If cat gave Bane lip Bane would punch cat in butthole so hard it make cat intestine go straight and fly out cat mouth like fleshy grapple hook. Bane not think it would ever come to that though. Bane think Garfield and Bane would have plenty good times whacking spiders with newspapers and eating lasagna (when Bane can afford it, Bane not made of money).

See you soon!

Hello Internet!

Hi Internet! This Bane. Bane very excited to join up to Internet.

To be honest, Bane didn't think Internet would be around long; just seemed like "fad" when Bane first hear about it. Besides, Bane very busy hurting Batman at the time (perhaps you heard???). But now Bane just get AOL dial-up service and VERY excited about possiblities. There SO MUCH to see on computer! Bane saw this one videos with some kid dancing around like he in Star Wars but he really just a fat kid. SO FUNNY! Bane also see Bud Dwyer shoot himself. It make Bane miss family back in South America.

Okay, Bane need to go check on lunch. Hot Pocket wait for no man, even if that man Bane.

See you soon!